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Funniest Political Article I Have Read in a While!

But I Only Recommend Sweet Tea For Drinking!

I wasn’t sure what to make of this title:

The Official 2020 Democratic National Convention Drinking Game

But like great writing, the article lures you in:

Imagine a four-day Zoom meeting in which the likes of John Kasich, Michael Bloomberg, and Nancy Pelosi warn you for the fifty through sixty millionth times about the “existential threat” of Donald Trump, and you come close to envisioning both hell on earth and what we’re all in for this week with the Democratic Party’s Biden/Harris virtual coronation.

The alternative is to start drinking early.

Matt Taibbi has a long history of satirical and offensive writing. BUT this is genuinely funny. Here are the items Taibbi say should be used for drinking purposes (for our purposes sweet tea shots!):

Without further ado, drink EVERY TIME to:

  1. “Post office,” or any variation thereof (i.e. “postal service” or “mailbox”).
  2. “Soul of America.”
  3. “History” or “Historic.” Drink only when uttered by a convention speaker.
  4. “Existential threat.”
  5. “This president.”
  6. “Let me be clear.” Double shot if what comes after is not clear.
  7. “Access,” as in “access to affordable health care” or “access to a good education.” You may drink twice if this comes in conjunction with an argument about “opportunity.”
  8. “Systemic,” “systematic,” “structural,” “fundamental,” or “fundamentally.” Double-shot if the words are uttered by someone who has never voted for or supported a systemic reform.
  9. Someone speaks positively of a Clinton (h/t to @percandidate).
  10. “This is not who we are.”
  11. “Above the law.”
  12. (Something something) Mitch McConnell, (something something) is a human right.
  13. “Trump is (rehearsed witticism).” Also, “golf.”
  14. Russia.
  15. Birther.
  16. (Attempts to speak Spanish)
  17. Unity/civility.
  18. “Uncharted waters.” Drunk rum if you have it here, and yell “Aargh” like a pirate (h/t to @C00LDad77).
  19. “Democracy itself.”

Taibbi adds a BINGO card (go to the article to see it): Now I once did a Christmas movie BINGO card for those romantic specials on those two channels…

After being let out for solitary on good behavior after Valentine’s Day…I thought I better stick to politics. Remember, nothing stronger than sweet tea! Enjoy the DNC 2020! If you can…

About Elwood Sanders

Elwood "Sandy" Sanders is a Hanover attorney who is an Appellate Procedure Consultant for Lantagne Legal Printing and has written ten scholarly legal articles. Sandy was also Virginia's first Appellate Defender and also helped bring curling in VA! (None of these titles imply any endorsement of Sanders’ views)

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Tom White Says:

Nothing is more conservative than a republican wanting to get their majority back. And nothing is more liberal than a republican WITH a majority.

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