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Late Night Shows Political Jokes

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

  • Last night was the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. A Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea.
  • Yesterday, President Obama announced his plans to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Not to be outdone, Donald Trump announced that he wants to open a CHAIN of Guantanamo Bays. “One on every corner. They’ll be like the Starbucks of detention centers.”
  • NASA said this week it has received a record high number of 18,000 applications for their astronaut training program. NASA said it shows a growing interest in space exploration. Then people said, “Nah, we just wanna get off the planet before this election.”
  • Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly to appeal to a younger generation. That means it won’t come with any cash, so you’ll have to borrow some from your parents’ Monopoly set.

Conan

  • Although she herself is an immigrant, Donald Trump’s wife Melania says she is fine with her husband’s tough anti-immigration stance. When asked why, Mrs. Trump said she had about 4.5 billion reasons.
  • After he won yesterday’s Nevada caucus, Donald Trump said, “I love the poorly educated.” Trump then said, “And when I’m president there’ll be more of them than ever.”
  • Wealthy GOP donors are now lining up behind Marco Rubio. Not because the donors think he can stop Trump, but because they think Rubio is the valet.
  • Hillary came to Los Angeles and she visited the set of the political drama “Scandal.” There was an awkward moment when Hillary told the writers, “Man, have I got some ideas for you.”
  • Despite Jeb Bush’s poor campaign, some analysts are already talking about the political rise of his son, George P. Bush. George P. Bush has already got his campaign slogan: “Don’t Worry I Was Adopted.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

  • Trump won the Nevada caucuses in every demographic last night. He won white men, white women, white rich people, and white poor people. Rural whites, urban whites. He got one vote from a Chinese guy, which was nice.
  • Trump even won the Latino vote. Which is amazing. It makes me wonder if people really come here from Mexico for a better life or if they come to get away from their relatives. Maybe they want the wall to keep their in-laws out.
  • Dr. Ben Carson finished a distant fourth in Nevada. He only got 5 percent of the vote. But for some reason he’s still not dropping out. He’s promised to continue on. He said, “I believe that things are starting to happen here.” You know it’s time to drop out when it has been weeks since Donald Trump even bothered to call you a moron.
  • I was thinking about why Ben Carson is still running today and my first guess is he’s retired and he’s bored. He has $10 million in the bank. Why not run? But there’s another possibility. Maybe he’s sleepwalking.

About Tom White

Tom is a US Navy Veteran, owns an Insurance Agency and is currently an IT Manager for a Virginia Distributor. He has been published in American Thinker, currently writes for the Richmond Examiner as well as Virginia Right! Blog.Tom lives in Hanover County, Va and is involved in politics at every level and is a Recovering Republican who has finally had enough of the War on Conservatives in progress with the Leadership of the GOP on a National Level.

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Tom White Says:

Nothing is more conservative than a republican wanting to get their majority back. And nothing is more liberal than a republican WITH a majority.

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