Categorized | Satire and Humor

Punxsutawney Phil Jones – Discusses Climate-Gate

Punxsutawney Phil Jones

Punxsutawney Phil Jones

You may have seen the press release from Punxsutawney Pennsylvania’s most famous resident Punxsutawney Phil. There will be 6 more weeks of winter.

A second press release was issued a short time later from Punxsutawney Phil’s Press Secretary:

Phil Jones - Weasel

Phil Jones - Weasel

It was recently brought to my attention that I am a distant relative of Phil Jones, the Director of the Climate Research Unit at East Anglia University in the United Kingdom. While the physical resemblance is not quite obvious, it should be noted that our distant great Grandfather Phelonious Jones was twice married. His first wife was a weasel, and mixed marriages were considered heresy in the day. As a result, she was slaughtered and eaten by King James I along with a fatted pig whose crime was not disclosed.

I feel that in the interest of science and academic purity I must come forward and reveal that my cousin from Anglia has pressured and lobbied me intensely of late to alter my yearly prognostication. He urged me to move south, or simply use his “trick” to predict that we will never have another winter.

He threatened to reveal our familial bond in an attempt to embarrass me. I will not be bullied. My distant great Grandmother happened to be a Groundhog, thank you very much.

I am not a weasel.

I would urge my cousin to come clean with the world. His reputation and accuracy will never equal my own, but he has a chance to shed his underhanded history by being honest.

The world can always count on an accurate and non political forecast from me.

I am:

Punxsutawney Phil “Jones”

And as Paul Harvey used to say, now you know the rest of the story.

About Tom White

Tom is a US Navy Veteran, owns an Insurance Agency and is currently an IT Manager for a Virginia Distributor. He has been published in American Thinker, currently writes for the Richmond Examiner as well as Virginia Right! Blog. Tom lives in Hanover County, Va and is involved in politics at every level and is a Recovering Republican who has finally had enough of the War on Conservatives in progress with the Leadership of the GOP on a National Level.

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Tom White Says:

Nothing is more conservative than a republican wanting to get their majority back. And nothing is more liberal than a republican WITH a majority.

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