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“The Onion” in Hostile Takeover Bid for PolitiFact!

The Onion is a side-splitting, knee-slapping political satire site that most of us political junkies turn to for some political-type humor.

They use Photoshop for visuals and absolutely make stuff up out of thin air. They are masters at contradicting themselves, often in the same sentence. They are completely, wonderfully and hilariously off their collective rockers.

The secret of their humor is to take a grain of truth about an event or a person and spin an absurdly laughable yarn around a small kernel of truth.

And there are (as yet unconfirmed) rumors that “The Onion” has made a hostile takeover bid for a site called “PolitiFact” a competing Political Satire site.

PolitiFact has also mastered the art of turning a small bit of reality into a laughably altered-state “fact check” delivered with a dead pan serious prose style that, honestly, leaves no doubt that the comedy team of writers spends most of the day mopping up the coffee (no doubt laced with a bit of Schnapps) that is regularly spewed out of their collective nostrils when they make this stuff up.

What is it like to work at PolitiFact?

Have you ever seen someone sit on a poo-poo cushion with a lung full of helium while blowing a bubble? That only begins to scratch the surface of the comedic style of this bunch of miscreants of Liberalism.

Who said slap-stick was dead?

PolitiFact has almost single-handedly resurrected the Vaudeville art of gut-busting slapstick with their bathroom humor political “fact checking” routine. (I have it on good authority that the official PolitiFact Company greeting involves placing your palm in your armpit, flapping your elbow and making “fart” noises.)

One of the clues that this is not a serious site (in case you are really naive) is their use of “degrees” of truth. Mostly, somewhat, partially true and on and on.

What makes this particularly funny is that everyone knows that true and false are absolutes. Something is either true, or it’s not.

But these masters of manufactured maxims on their merry-go-round of mirth come up with some of the most creative and convoluted ways to twist an “absolute” like truth into a masterpiece of Pretzel Logic that could make Steely Dan limp with laughter. These guys are more adept at stretching the bounds of credulity and reality than Timothy Geithner at a Turbo-Tax Convention.

PolitiFact’s best satirical effort to date has to do with Timmy “the tax man” Kaine who is the former DNC Chairman (sandwiched between Howard “The Scream” Dean and Debby “Wasser-may-call-her” Sgt. Schultz -Collectively known as the Church of the Latter Day Three Stooges).

Anyhow, there is always a little grain of truth to core of a PolitiFact farce and the one I am about to detail here is no exception.

I always go right to the last line of any PolitiFact “assessment” because that is usually where the “nugget of truth” Easter Egg is hidden. It’s not really like reading the last chapter of a Clancy novel before you read the rest of the book. That would be bad. But you have to know the fact they are going to distort to appreciate the humor to the fullest.

Here is the link to this comedy routine at Politifact.

Allow me to set this skit up:

The “statement” being “checked” was about Republican George Allen. (Keep in mind that PolitiFact only does these spoofs to the benefit of Democrats, which is strange because there are a lot more hilarious statements made by Democrats – go figure).

Kaine claims “George Allen voted to end Pell Grants for 84,000 students“.

The kicker line is in the very last paragraph and reads “Allen’s vote would not have cut the overall Pell Grant program“.

But between the Kaine claim and truth at the end, there is more jocularity and fun-fact-fudging going on than you can stand! Honestly, these guys must have needed oxygen when they finished making up everything in between those two statements on their merry way to calling Kaine’s statement “Mostly True”.

This one is good enough for The Onion.

And by the way, if you read the news you will know that on occasion stories in “The Onion” are erroneously taken seriously.

Remember: The Onion and PolitiFact are  complete fiction. You can’t take either one seriously.

And I would suggest if the merger of PolitiFact and “The Onion” becomes reality, that the fiction writers there consider a name change for PolitiFact, because there are some impressionable and easily fooled people out there that may mistake their satire for serious journalism. It happens with the Onion often!

It would avoid confusion if PolitiFact were changed to something as equally funny as “The Onion”. I would suggest “The Stinking Rose” (another name for Garlic).

“Say Goodnight Dick!”

“Goodnight Dick!”


Next Week: “The Onion” mulls a takeover bid for The Washington Post!


About Tom White

Tom is a US Navy Veteran, owns an Insurance Agency and is currently an IT Manager for a Virginia Distributor. He has been published in American Thinker, currently writes for the Richmond Examiner as well as Virginia Right! Blog. Tom lives in Hanover County, Va and is involved in politics at every level and is a Recovering Republican who has finally had enough of the War on Conservatives in progress with the Leadership of the GOP on a National Level.

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Tom White Says:

Nothing is more conservative than a republican wanting to get their majority back. And nothing is more liberal than a republican WITH a majority.

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